Finding and using Books by black authors to help calm down your kids: 3 Easy Tips

Parents, let’s talk about how to calm down your kids and yourself at the same time. It’s all about books!

Just when you think you have it all under control there are new Covid restrictions. Endless meetings about what to do at school, choices to make about time scheduling for the summer transition… Sometimes I feel out-of-it. New teachers, New protocols and then some parents in the group know and I don’t. How do they know what’s happening?? Am I backward or just plain slow?

And then I noticed that Abigail who is online at school, suddenly she was either getting it or losing it. Nothing in between. No happy medium that allows for a day of calm or peaceful communication. But this sounds like I am the one being stressed and not the kids.

Suddenly, I remembered when I was young and things got a bit frazzled I would turn to a book. One I really liked.
And at that moment it occurred to me I have the perfect idea of how to calm down your kids. These 3 easy steps will help you and your child benefit.

Stress, Books and what to do

Before I get it into the 3 easy tips on how to calm down your kids, I want to you think about emotions!

When a child is stressed, especially for those coming out of kindergarten and becoming tweens, each event is a monumental event. Every choice to be made whether it be the hair style for the new play at school or tantrums at being sent to bed earlier than expected or even losing a privilege at home because of not following the rules…Oh everything is an event. Inevitably both parents/caregivers and children are all stressed.

Research has shown that books are highly effective at teaching kids to manage emotions like anger, anxiety, fear. Kids have these emotions, especially at this stage of their development. However, we can’t simply treat as if it was an adult having this anxiety. Besides this, the things that make children anxious are different from adults. Kids are kids not little adults. Their physical, cognitive psychosocial processors are just coming into place and if we make the mistake to push too hard, their response is withdrawal.
This hides both emotions and expressions away from everyone.

So maybe we start with ourselves as adults.
Take a moment alone and think about how stressed you are really feeling. Is this feeling something that you think you can handle? As you think about your state of mind, remember that:

A. Our words are critical,
B. We can only calm down someone if we are calm ourselves

Now, take at least 2 minutes and remind yourself that this is a child who loves you as much as you love him/her.

Having done that let’s dive into the top 3 easy tips on how to help calm down your kids using books.

1. Find the perfect book to read with your kids

ANSWER These Questions

How much can you afford right now?
Have you thought about the online library?
Can you buy this book online ?
Are you open to really finding ‘the’ book or are you just looking for what your friends say is good?
Does the title use words related to the stress you are both feeling?
Is the story/situation very ‘teachy’ or more relaxed, even funny or a maybe even a little frightening?
Is the cover attractive?
Does it look like what you would like to see around you at home?
Is it really at the reading level that you need?
Are the illustrations the style the child/children) like?
If you are going to be reading this at bedtime, will it make her or him want to sleep?

2. Take time to read the calming book with your kids

Having chosen the book or books, how do you know that the book you are looking at is THE book that you want? Well I always think the best judge is the person who will be reading the book. Make sure you carry the person with you, the person who will be the owner of the book. In this way you can ask a few questions like:

(For the 7 year old) do you think we can read this together? Or is it too simple

Why don’t we do this together? (looking at a book of children’s yoga)

(For the tweens) I notice you are starting to read chapter books. You know what I mean … why do you like those longer stories? What kind of stories do you like?

Okay this isn’t school so choose something that you really like

3. Take the lessons from the book as bonding time

Now you have the book in hand. This is it!. Try it as soon as you can. Don’t let the enthusiasm pass. Tweens never read the entire book all on their own. They need a little encouragement when you notice how far they have gone or new words you hear them using. Sometime they will even read it in your presence, not out loud, but just to be near to you. Make them feel good about themselves as they learn how to handle their emotions and handle their feelings.

As you reflect on the process you will find that it really is calming for both of you. As you calm your kids you calm yourself. Being calm frees you to parent consciously and effectively. Do not think this is a one-time project. At first, it should happen maybe every day for a week and then as often as you want. The result is less stressful outbreaks from both of you.

Conscious Parenting Works. Take a look at this suggestion. A good one for 5-8 year old kids is “The Adventures of Tweet Tweet”. Really soothing illustrations and a bit of excitement!