Here are a few easy steps that will help your tween make lasting friendships. With a little help and lots of encouragement, kids who have had trouble making friends in the past can experience the joy that lasting friendships can bring. It may seem overwhelming to begin making friends, but here are 4 easy steps that can make the process seem a lot more manageable.
Keep in mind that you need to get involved in your kids’ school life so you can form some friendships of your own. As Moms, we always have to be able to hear both sides of the stories that come home.
Having friends helps kids become independent outside the home, and sets them up for the kind of trusted relationships that we hope they build in their adult lives.
Easy Step #1
Parents often want to raise children who are not racist. You have to be the model. Too often, white parents, in particular, avoid discussing race and racism with their children. Many parents of color, however, do not have that luxury. In fact, studies have shown that avoiding talking about these things may actually worsen a child’s attitude towards race.
The key is to talk about racism and the many ways it can be seen especially at school. From the clothes they wear to the food they eat. They should be able to tell you when they come home so you can tell them what to do the next day.
Easy Step #2
Try not to get too angry when you happen to encounter racism. It’s better to remind your tween about a time when they were upset by a relative or a sibling and how it was resolved. Try to ‘keep cool’ as Marcus Garvey says… and if possible, bring in some humor.
By talking openly with your kids about race and racism early in life, you are setting them up for thoughful, compassionate conversations with their peers of different races when they are older. Talking, I think, is challenging, and it is not necessarily the most fun way for us to get people together.
But we can think of kids coming together to talk about how to handle racial oppression.
Easy Step #3
If your child is in a clique, and one of the kids is bullying or pushing others away, it is important to confront this immediately. Don’t wait to let this get out of hand. Do not be afraid to call a school counselor, relative, or trusted friend, and have your school counselor speak to your child.
Your willingness to hold those conversations signals to your child that you are the person to go to when they have questions about race.
From my experience the counselor / teacher quickly realizes your position and hesitates to take advantage of the situation.
Easy Step #4
Tweens are still willing to hear what Mom is saying. Also for them everything is monumental and important. Helping your child discover things that make her or him feel good will increase their self-confidence. This is the key ingredient for making new friends.
If your teen reports being miserable, being treated poorly, or feeling constantly left out, maybe it is time for new ‘friends’.
So try and keep your teen involved in activities–from academics to sports to art to clubs. Volleyball tryouts, basketball tryouts, swimming tryouts all give your child the chance to meet new peers of similar interests. This leads to making friends and improving their self-confidence.
It is always more fruitful when one tween introduces another to a new idea or way of doing things. They should bring it home and talk about it. It is surprising how quickly the friendships can develop.
Tween friendships usually last even if you travel. Being a black Mom sets you apart so take advantage of it. Let your tween stand out . Her or his self confidence is the key.