Children need to have a regular bedtime. And here, I am talking about that tricky developmental stage between 4 and 8 years of age. They might sit watching TV after dinner but in reality they are waiting to hear “turn off the TV, bedtime…”‘
For these kids going to bed at a set time begins from birth but becomes a kind of a ritual when they get to about 3 or 4. I call it a ritual because going to bed means maybe listening to a story or someone singing/playing a song they like or for others, a cup of something warm to drink just before being tucked in. As they grow this ritual continues and is expected.
As I write this. however, my heart goes out to so many children who have no parent or caregiver who has responsibility for them. No-one who really cares on an individual or personal level. Nor do they have somewhere secure and safe to sleep when they are tired or hurting or wondering what is wrong. So I urge the parents and caregivers of whatever age or culture reading this to think about the privilege given us to look about the child’s bedtime.
What we know about bedtime
I was reading an article in Motherly by Heather Marcoux where she spoke about a study done in the UK (Pediatrics 2013) with kids between 3 and 7 years of age, where they found that irregular bedtimes really had a negative effect on their development. They noticed that these children in the study who had irregular bedtimes showed unhappiness, tended to be being inconsiderate and were constantly acting out. It seems that their internal time clock registered a lack of sleep, or their un-sureness of when they should stop what they were doing and go to sleep. It would seem to me that as a consequence when they wake up they are annoyed instead of rested and begin the acting out for the day.
All of us have seen this happen. Some kids have no problem with 8 hours sleep before a school day while others need 10. And then it changes as they grow older. It’s called development. The body and brain grow and at the same time they develop physically and cognitively. Emotional reactions based on hormonal balance now becomes an issue.
So why do all the many mothers I have spoken with, feel that a regular bedtime is important? The answer is always that the children become unhappy, grumpy and do not even know why they are. “Listen to me! You are not listening to me” from the 7 year old. She doesn’t even know what she is saying when you ask her to explain.
Bedtime serves to solidify that link between child and caregiver as someone who cares. If you say your prayers before sleep, the action tells the child that God is watching over them and all is well. As they say the prayer they feel a sense of well-being because they know the words and they know God is listening.
Sleep helps the body to heal in so many ways whether it is the brain or the bounce that they got on the play field or the hurt that they felt when someone said something un-nice.
Bedtime and Feeling good all around
On the other hand think about how you feel when you have to engage in this ritual every night. Sometimes it ‘s a chore which you could do without. But then as you get into the riddim, you find you feel better yourself. You realize this importance of what you are doing. My mother told me “never go to bed with harsh words on your lips or hurtful thoughts in your mind’. Keeping this in mind you are careful that all is resolved.
Having no bedtime ritual sounds difficult but most mothers that I know do try to keep it going. They have found that the absence of a time for bed means their personal night routine becomes chaos. This can lead to real problems especially where there is another person involved or there is a need to accomplish some career goal. This can affect the entire week, not just that night.
And as the child becomes more unhappy or starts acting out when you least expect it, your routine is destroyed. Funny thing is mothers tend to begin questioning themselves asking “What am I doing wrong? Do all mothers have this problem? Why is my child behaving like this? He doesn’t even respond pleasingly to my hugs and warm words”. It’s all in the bedtime.
Simply put, feeling good all around is closely tied to having a regular bedtime.
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