I have a chapter in my book “I Like Me” dedicated to Dads and Grandparents. It amazes me that people should even question the ability of dads or Fathers or grandparents to parent. The fact is Mom and Dads parent differently. And nowadays, as life gets complicated Dads often have too take over from Moms. Dads like Grandparents are increasingly called on to parent and they do it their own way.
How do Dads parent differently from Moms?
First of all Dads, are fathers. Not Moms. They smell different. They hold the baby differently. When it comes to preschoolers it’s another ball game. Love? They love just as jealously and protectively as Mom. We have images of the female lion watching over her brood. Well the male lion fights any other male that shows up to challenge his being the father.
The questions about dads parenting usually mean how is he managing the household tasks associated with the children. When kids get older it is easy for everyone to see parenting as natural. When it’s a baby then the questions start. Why? Parenting has a lot of emotion because we think there is some special bond between the child and the parent. If it is there with the mother then it is there with the father. ‘Fess-up. Haven’t you ever seen how close that baby is, drifting off to sleep in his Dad’s arms. Common you may as well say YES and mean it. And in some cases you wonder what is the trick up his sleeve. You have been trying for the past 1/2 hour with no success.
Michal Clements made the point in a recent article that the Marketing to Moms Coalition (USA 2012) found that many dads (40%+), led by Gen X dads, see themselves as equally sharing in parenting responsibilities with moms. This included areas such as grocery shopping, making meals, household cleaning, childcare, taking children to sports, and playing with children. All these tasks show that Moms and Dads parent differently as they both have these tasks in any household.
She wrote this article to show how much brand names are taking note of this and changing their marketing strategies to include Dads in promotions. If these big guys can do this why can’t the average neighbor and employer realize that Dads are in fact parenting and Dads parenting style is different from Moms. They just do things their own way which might be really different. Like going for a walk can mean walking much farther than Mom might. Or it might take the kid through woods and tracks that Mom might not want to take. Worrying about getting wet from the hose might not be such an issue.
And the reality is that many Moms support them.
So what is really different?
Notice how Moms seem to talk a lot. They explain things to the preschooler. They expect a verbal response. Fathers don’t talk as much. It seems to be more action. Some people would say fathers are not so soft as Moms. And that action is for both girls and boys. What is noticeable though is that the girls can wrap them around their little finger every time. The boy has to work for it.
Also the girls bring out the protection part of the Dad much more than the boy. I suppose it i’s a cultural thing all over the world.
Basically though Dads and Moms both have the child at heart. We only notice that Moms and Dads parent differently when in public or when the in-laws are around :)-
In this new highly competitive market place whoever can make the money makes the money. It’s not about gender anymore and even though we would like to think that Moms have nailed it over the years we gotta wake up and see that Dads parenting style is unique to each Dad and overall is a proving effective. They find a way to bond with their children whether a boy or a girl . It’s really pretty cool.