Mother’s Day Love Love Love

NYA AKOMA Here’s what Values of Adinkra Symbols  has to say: The heart is believed to be responsible for a person’s emotions, for example anger, hatred, love, joy, grief, etc. A person is said to “have a heart in his stomach,” when that person is very tolerant. The symbol teaches the importance of tolerance in the face of provocation. It also stresses the need for patience in all endeavours of life.

When we think about the heart we usually think– Love. As parents, mothers to be, grandparents, the other features that the Adinkra symbol brings out, seem to me to be those that we face 24/7, 366 and ½ days per year. These features  or love gestures are tolerance and patience.

So as I write about Love, I write from a parent’s perspective.

If you look at my blog, I usually speak of love from mother to preschooler. Today it’s all about what we expect as mothers. And I know #bigblendedfamily will have additional ideas:)  but I want to think about us mothers and fathers, a.k.a. parents, for a minute. Not because it is Mother’s Day. Frankly the commercialization of the concept tends to turn me off. Nor is it about Parent’s Day or Family Day or anything else as my timing right now is coincidental.

There is a peculiar understanding of empathy that exists between child and parent. Most of the time we talk about this as mothering. But then fathers do it too and grandparents. That’s okay because mothering means there is a combination of care and learning. As part of that care and learning there is discipline, nurturing and then learning to let go.

This combination is not an easy one as there needs to be a progression, a changing knowledge and communication technique from baby-time to toddlerhood to preschool and on. The empathy, the atmosphere, the relationship is always there but we find that as the child grows and we better understand who we are dealing with, parents begin to feel that they have a different need for incoming love.

We give love and we receive love. And as parents if we have a partner, the love has to be shared between the child and the partner. Not in equal measure by any means but it has to be shared.

This love that we share is usually tangible and conscious. We know when we do something that demonstrates our love. But is it as easy to identify when we receive love. I think we can do this even though in so many cases people tend to focus on the negatives and those times when there was no love. But it is even more fulfilling just to take time out and think about all those times that we get rather than give.

When those little ones couldn’t even communicate clearly, or when the child at college tried so hard to find a suitable gift for mother’s day or suddenly someone mentioned how much their life had been touched by knowing you. These are all love gestures and they gave and still give the heart a good feeling.

There is one thing that I am just beginning to understand and that is if we do not show that need for love, if we are so ‘hard’ or seem unfeeling or if we do not share that love that is deep down inside, then it is really difficult for others to show their love. Make that love gesture. Somehow we have to let the other centers of emotion shine through unexpectedly and others will see themselves reflected in that glow.

Receiving love comes easily to some but is more difficult to others. Perhaps we could make a special effort to open ourselves to that love that is around us, not interpreting things negatively, seeing the good in others so that they can show us their love.

And for others, who have the opportunity to give love to mothers, fathers, grandparents, mothers-to-be, go ahead and give that love a thousand times over. Why? Because it makes you feel good and it makes them feel extra, extra good.